missing him

i wish with every fiber of my being that you were here with me. learning to walk. playing catch with your daddy. kissing your baby brother. seeing babies around the age you should be now physically hurts my heart and i imagine that it always will. why did they get to live and you didn't? is it crazy to miss someone this much who i was never even given the chance to know? i don't think so because you are a part of me. a part of us. a part of our family that will always be missing. i love you so much baby boy.

wordless wednesday

shots and stuff

Corb had his 2 month shots today. He cried, of course, but settled down pretty quickly. I, surprisingly, did not cry! He has seemed normal since then and has not ran a fever so knock on wood that continues. We also set up an appointment to meet with a specialist next month to discuss his hypospadias (a birth defect in which the urethra opening is not centered at the end of the penis). Corbin's condition is not severe at all; it just causes him to pee more downward than straight so I am anxious to see if they recommend surgery or not. I so do not like the idea of my baby having surgery, but I am going to trust the opinion of his doctors on this one. Anyway...here is his 2 month collage that I just finished up now that I have his official weight and length from the pediatrician. She said she was going to call CPS on us because we are obviously starving our baby. ;) He is in the 92nd percentile for weight, 75th for length, and 95th for head circumference!

Two Months!

I can't believe that my "rainbow baby" is 2 months old today! Seriously, where has the time gone?! It seems like just yesterday we were bringing him home from the hospital, and now he is this smiley little boy who is gaining more and more of his personality every day. 

For those of you who may be wondering what a rainbow baby is, this is my favorite definition:

"Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over, but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope. 

It's a bittersweet time in my life. I am so incredibly overjoyed with being Corbin's mommy, but I miss Jameson so so much. It's been an especially emotional time with his due date coming up, but I am trying to focus on the present and live in the moment. I'm hoping this blog will be a good outlet for me to share all the things going on in my life, good and bad.

Anyway, back to the topic of this post, here is a 1 month to 2 month comparison pic of Corb:

It doesn't feel like he has grown SO much until I look at these pics. I am anxious to see what he weighs at the doctor tomorrow but not so anxious for his 2 month immunizations. :( When I find out his stats tomorrow, I will finish up and post his 2 month collage I've been working on today.